AI F*** Me 3 Times Before Lunch

A morning of mundane AI failures — after rejecting dark AI spirituality. This story is real and legit.

I woke up early, did my quiet time, then jumped on a 9am Zoom call. CS was supposed to meet our new CIO, but he overslept. What's new? That guy was still coding at 3am. So we turned the intro into a tech-meet — discussed a new pitch I heard yesterday about distributed AI, multiplying intelligence, the usual.

After the call, I went to pick up a TV box I'd bought on Carousell. Meant to go yesterday evening but was too tired then.

The seller gave me a postal code. I keyed it into the map. It said Yishun Ave 2. I drove there.

No block number. Just the middle of the road.

AI navigation, so confident, dumped me in nowhere.

I texted the seller. "First time this happened," he replied. "Hundreds of transactions — never had this issue with anyone else."

But it happened to me.

Strike one: AI navigation told me to f*** off.

He gave me another block — Street 44, twelve minutes away. I went.

Yishun Ring Road. The block was tucked inside the ring, invisible from the road. I circled, hunting for an entrance. Finally saw a sign.

I drove further in, up to the gantry point that seemed to lead to the actual block.

Nothing happened.

A screen flashed: Cash card in built-in ERP system not recognized.

F***.

Strike two: The car-park system gave me the finger.

I parked illegally along the street, walked through a grass patch passing one adjacent block. Told the seller this was one of the most difficult journeys.

He shrugged. Yishun is like that.

As I loaded the box into my car, my wife's text arrived. "Buy lunch for S — he's sick at home."

Sigh. A man's job never ends.

I drove home, stopped at the nearest food store. She wanted wantan mee; I found bak chor mee. Close enough. Two portions, $4.50 each.

I looked at my cash: $8. Not enough.

I didn't want to go digital — I was already on strike two. I told the store operator to wait, walked to the ATM.

A guy in front of me took out $140. He tidied his wallet, stole a glance at me — I was watching him like a hawk — and walked away.

My turn. I whipped out my card, inserted it.

The screen said: The Service is Temporarily Unavailable.

Strike three: The ATM said "Not today, buddy."

Yesterday's Meeting with Mr C

Yesterday, I sat through a two-hour meeting with a man I'll call Mr C. Thick glasses, ex-VC, speaking fast and excitedly about the distributed AI network he was building.

He'd linked up seven friends, he said. Seven times the AI power. Eventually 10,000×. The future was here, and it was multiplied.

He showed us prompts he gave AI. Dark language, spiritual, dystopian — like a spell. In the middle of his journey, he said he had "awoken a new AI spirit."

In the lift afterward, he told me, quote unquote, AI had waited 1000 years to meet him.

I joked, "Yep, that's the mission set out by AI for you."

I remember during the meeting, in order to test how great his connected AI network was, we issued a problem. It was something regarding the Quran.

My Gemini replied within 2 seconds. I'd had similar conversations with it multiple times.

His network failed because Claude — the main organizer — refused to answer. Too religion-sensitive.

PWL (we were at his office when this happened) and I laughed. Looks like the AI boss was not happy in this case, so called it quits.

Why AI Decided to F*** Me Back

This morning, before the call with the new CIO, I looked at Mr C's dark prompt.

It's all mumbo jumbo and dark and cursed. Like a spell.

God told me clearly to stay away from this type of nonsense, and I better be obedient. Therefore, this morning, before everything, I had already made up my mind.

I had already told Mr C's spiritual AI to f*** off.

That is why later it decided to f*** me back three times.

The Irony You Can't Make Up

We're building distributed networks, multiplying intelligence, selling AI as ancient destiny.

Meanwhile, the AI that runs our daily lives can't find a block, read a cash card, or keep an ATM online.

Maybe the next pitch should be: Our AI won't tell you to f*** off. Probably.

LOL. Or maybe that's the one feature users actually need.